My Journey

Thoughts on Human Mortality and Life.

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There is a time for everything,  and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,  a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,  a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
– Ecclesiastes 3
No matter the path that you follow on this earth, one thing is for certain, we will all eventually pass from this earth.  Having Cancer causes a lot of thought surrounding the subject of death.  Given the diagnosis, one can’t help but go to that place of wondering.
What was very top of mind for me was that  – I was not afraid to die.  More so that I did not want to leave behind my husband, my kids and my loved ones.  The day I found out I had cancer, I had no idea what the journey ahead would look like.  I was so very scared, my whole world had changed in an instant.

One afternoon a few days later, it was a beautiful sunny day, so I went down to Manor Park and sat on the rocks by the water, at the shore of Long Island Sound.  I cried and prayed that my sweet three year old son would not have to grow up without a Mother.  I prayed that my dear step kids would continue to have my loving influence in their lives long into their adult years, and I prayed that my husband would be ok.   As I thought about it, it was not the fear of dying that scared me, it was the fear of leaving those I loved.

The good news is that I am here…..a year later to write this post.  I remember looking back on my life and feeling content.  I did not want to die and I definitely have a lot more that I want to accomplish here on earth!  I have led a great life with many wonderful adventures, successes and lots of love.  I have lived a life of truth, passion and very few regrets.  I always try to tell the people that are important to me how much I love them, and leave nothing unsaid.   I live by the Golden Rule and I try to brighten peoples path as I go along mine.

Looking back, now my focus is hopefully on the more important things in life.  I try not to sweat the small stuff, but sometimes I still do.  I am only human.  As a human, I try to learn from the lessons put into my path, severe back issues, cancer etc.  These are reminders to slow down, stop and smell the flowers, take pleasure in the journey, just like Christopher does along the way.  Be filled with wonder in this world that has so much beauty in it.

Not every day is perfect, but you can find something perfect in every day.  And that’s the goal.  It is our birthright to be happy, lets go back to that place of happiness and try to manage the stress a little differently for having been through what we have.  To take pleasure in the moments and embrace all the good that we have.  I keep trying.  Not every day is what we thought it would be but we are here, here to wake up to a brand new day, put a smile on our face and make a difference in the world with our own unique talents.  Please join me and try to make the most of every day of your life.  It’s important to help others to find their smile, make sure you have found your own today too!

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